It Is Never Too Late to Just Do It

I was never a very loyal podcast listener until a year or so ago. I think I always was attracted to them and even was passively interested in starting one. I will go so far as to say, I even felt a pull to do it. As a very experienced addict, I allowed insecurities, self-doubt, and negative self-talk to decide not to pursue it. As an addict with well over a decade of battling substance abuse and myself, I justified not taking action solely out of fear.

The podcast launches in a couple of weeks and I have some anxiety about it for sure. I had to battle my defeating thoughts, negative self-talk, and fear of the unknown to take action and just do it.

Early career lessons

The process to start this podcast began in September of last year. A little more background on me for context. I have been in the staffing industry as a recruiter for over 15 years. My career for most of that time was focused on IT recruiting. I had recruited for other industries before 1994, but when I moved into IT, I was completely clueless about anything technology. That did not stop me from applying for my first IT recruiting job and did not stop them from hiring me. Now once I got the job, there was no faking it until I made it. I had to learn about technology like the different types of development Java versus .NET, the difference between an engineer and an architect, etc. I have always been a good communicator with a strong ability to connect with people and build relationships. The technical was foreign to me and I knew I was not going to be successful unless I learned and learned aggressively. I was also not cocky enough to act as if knew everything and was smart enough to ask the people who had knowledge and answers I needed, for help. In my first year of IT recruiting, I doubled my salary because of the commission for my placements. I became a trusted resource for the business development team that would turn over account management to me for accounts like Southwest Airlines, Gamestop, and others when they were traveling. In this, I would meet with CFOs, Directors, CTOs, and other high-level executives. This gave me great experience in relationships, nurturing relationships, and the knowledge that good business is essentially about relationships and how we can bring value where it is needed.

Meant to be

As I said before, the process and decision to move forward in starting this podcast started last September. For the past 3 or so years, I have been working for a Global SaaS company as a recruiter. I was making a great salary plus a generous annual bonus, and generous stock offering. I was informed at the end of November that my position was being impacted by talent organization cuts. I was devasted. I support three people, my son is still in high school, and I am a single mother and the only source of income. I have a lot of financial responsibilities from personal finances to thousands of dollars on home renovations that I am still paying on, food, mortgage, utilities, etc. I was given a month of normal pay for all of December but didn't have to work and my official last day was January 5th. I received a great severance package but that won't last forever and going fast. I share all of this because instead of dwelling on the negative, which for an addict, is very easy to do, I realized that this was not just a pull but a big fucking shove in the direction I was supposed to take and nothing was going to allow me to talk myself out of it. I wasted a lot of years stuck in cycles of addiction and all of the bullshit it brought into my life. Even when I was using, I knew I was meant to do things in service to others and I knew it would be around addiction. When I became determined to get and stay clean, more things started to reveal themselves to me that were always there but that I refused to acknowledge. I had to be ready and open. I finally was. For the past 3-4 years my life has been like a long hallway with doors on both sides. I walk down this hallway knowing that behind each door is another directive, lesson, or revelation meant for me, in that moment, and for a reason. I see the rest of my life as a lifelong commitment to growth, healing, learning, and teaching. Each door I open will be meant to be opened in that moment, in its time, and for a reason. I may not always like what a door reveals but I have to have faith that even those, are for a reason.

I am new to podcasting, blogging, websites, marketing, and all of these spaces that I now have to learn to navigate. I do not have all of the answers but I have very clear intentions. I decided that I needed to go back and remember that fearless 18-year old girl, and that young woman that entered an industry she knew nothing about, as well as, the single mother of two with the hustler mentality. She is the same one who raised two children on her own with no child support, put one through one of the most expensive universities in the US (NYU), while still raising a son 15 years her junior. I am not sure I will ever get another job that will meet me at the level I reached in my career. I am finding that no one can come near the money I was making and I am not a young woman anymore. Ageism is real folks, especially in the corporate world. I refuse to allow all of my experience and paid dues to be low-balled at this point in my life. I don't want my livelihood to be determined by any company or anyone else for that matter. So... I am not sure how I will pay my bills in the next few months, whether anyone will listen to my podcast or if anyone will care about any of the content I provide online. Honestly, I cannot really give a shit about the unknowns or the uncertainty of it all. I only give a shit about being committed to my mission to serve and continuing the hustle so that my mission can expand as needed. Whatever that may look like, and whatever comes, I will not walk in fear but instead use everything that presents itself as a lesson and motivation to press forward in the path that is clearly meant for me.

I am on this journey with all of you and hope that I will provide something, anything, that can help you to find your way and true direction in life.

I hope that if you are being pulled to do something that you know, you are meant to do, that you won't hesitate, talk yourself out of it, or deny it altogether. Recognize the pull. Is it something that keeps nagging at you? Is it something that you feel will help you or others? Is it doable, attainable, and is it rooted in intention?

Until next time...

Cynthia